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DAY 11: This Is What Forgiveness Is Really About

I have news for you this morning. Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness isn’t really about the person you’re forgiving. Sure, it may seem that way on the surface, but as you’ll discover in this post – and possibly when you’ve truly forgiven someone in the past – forgiveness is really all about you. Yes, you read that right. Forgiveness is actually a very selfish act… in a good way.

We may think at first glance that forgiveness is for the benefit of the people we’re forgiving. While that may be true in some instances, for the most part, forgiveness doesn’t really affect them because they’ve long moved on. They don’t waste another thought or worry on what happened to you and how you’re feeling. You on the other hand may be sitting at home, quietly seething and plotting revenge. You’re feeling angry and hurt and those feelings keep you trapped.

Getting un-trapped, freeing yourself, and being able to move on is what forgiveness is really about. Don’t stay stuck in your own prison of anger and pain. Until you learn to forgive, you stay stuck and there’s just too much beauty and good in the world that you’re missing out on.

My hope is that once you realize that the act of forgiveness is really all about you and for your own benefit, you use this new-found knowledge to help you go through the sometimes hard and lengthy process of forgiving. It isn’t always easy, but then what worthwhile endeavor is? It’s a learning process and something that will take time and conscious effort on your part. There’s a reason I decided to run a 21-Day Forgiveness Challenge. If it was going to be easy, it wouldn’t take us almost an entire month to learn to forgive.

It’s important that you remind yourself regularly that this is about and for you. How are you going to go about doing that? Start with an affirmation in the morning as soon as you wake up. Recollect throughout the day how forgiveness has made a difference in your life. Look back on your own journey and take note of how far you’ve come already. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself daily that this forgiveness challenge is all about you.

As you read through the remaining blog posts in this challenge, keep reminding yourself that you’re doing this mainly for yourself. Do that and you’ll do well. Think about it anytime we talk about a technique or aid. Most importantly, think about it anytime you struggle on your journey.


Continue the ACTION from Day 10—to meet and speak with the people you’ve set up dates with. Also, take this day to focus on gratitude, especially the relationships that are on the right track to getting stronger and the grudges that have been resolved.

Write down the results of these conversations in your journal.

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