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DAY 18: Take Responsibility For Your Own Part

In yesterday’s post we talked about being kind instead of right. At one point I shared how it’s possible for both parties to be “right”. You just have to see things from their perspective. Today I want to take it a step further and suggest that you start to take responsible for your part in whatever it is that has to be forgiven.

I’m not suggestion that you are to blame, even partially, for everything bad that happens - far from it. But I am saying that quite often there are two parties involved and both of them have caused the mess they now find themselves in. When you stop on insisting that you’re right and they are

wrong, it becomes easier to see that.

Think about what happened and what your involvement was. Is there anything you could have done differently to avoid the negative results? Is there anything you could have done to turn things around? If you can find something, take responsibility for it. If you don’t, be open to the possibility that you may have done something wrong inadvertently or that something was misunderstood. In other words, take responsibility when you can.

Taking some responsibility, no matter how small, makes it easier to forgive the other party. This is because you first have to forgive yourself. That’s not always easy. Neither is admitting you’re partially at fault, but it will make you a stronger person and also a more credible one. Once you forgive yourself, forgiving others will become easier.

Along the way, you also make it easier for the other person to accept your forgiveness, resolve the issue, and move on. In yesterday’s post we talked extensively about the fact that we don’t like to be wrong. Seeing that we’re not the only ones wrong makes it much easier to admit and accept your own mistakes. The end result is a better resolution of the conflict or argument and a stronger relationship.

While you may not always be at fault it is something worth examining and then accepting if, in fact you are. It will strengthen your character and the faith and trust others have in you. Quite frankly taking responsibility is a good feeling. It makes us feel in control and we live happier lives without that nagging feeling in the back of our head that we may have been partially at fault.

Keep all this in mind as you continue your journey towards forgiveness.


Sometimes, it’s not about the relationship with someone as much as it is about the event that happened. We can’t change the past, but we can change how it affects us. Making peace with what you can’t change might mean asking for help. This could be opening up to a close friend who you’ve kept these events from or talking to a professional.

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