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How to Recover from a Breakup Even if You Were Completely Blindsided

The end of a relationship is difficult. That’s especially true when the

breakup catches you by surprise. If your significant other left you with

little or no explanation, you may be struggling to make sense of it all.

Consider these suggestions for getting back on your feet.


Recovering From the Breakup


1. Give yourself time to heal. Some studies of brain patterns have

found similarities between physical pain and social rejection. Be

gentle with yourself. Eat well and indulge in a soothing activity like a

massage or warm bath.

2. Start a journal. You might benefit from putting things in writing.

Creating a record may help you spot the significance of events that

you initially overlooked. It can also be a great place to record your

feelings.

3. Reach out to friends. Talk things over with those close to you. Ask for

the support you need. Accept a helping hand. Spend more time with

pals who make you laugh.

4. Set new goals. Tackle new and exciting projects. If you’ve been

thinking about getting a dog, adopt one. Plan a vacation to Costa Rica.

Learn to bake bread or knit a scarf.

5. Change your routines. Familiar places and events can act as triggers

when you’re getting over a relationship. You may want to

temporarily avoid the music you listened to together or the bakery

you visited every Sunday morning.

6. See a counselor. If you notice major changes in your thinking or

you’re still feeling sad after several months have passed, it may be

time to seek outside help. Therapy can present you with alternative

perspectives and solutions.

7. Write your own ending. Even if your partner declines to talk things

over, you can reach your own conclusions. Acknowledge your part in

how things turned out and extend forgiveness to yourself and your

former partner. It will help you let go and move forward.


Preventing Yourself From Getting Blindsided Again


1. Evaluate your relationship patterns. If this is an isolated event,

you may be able to leave it at that. Maybe your partner had a

disturbing event take place in their life or perhaps they were on the

rebound from a previous romance. If these types of breakups keep

happening to you, ask yourself why.

2. Pace yourself. Relationships that progress too quickly can burn out

just as fast. Get to know each other well. Gradually share more

personal information and develop trust in stages.

3. Communicate openly. Address sensitive subjects directly and

respectfully. Encourage healthy disclosure. Listen attentively to

what your partner has to say even when it makes you feel

uncomfortable.

4. Resolve conflicts constructively. Show your partner that you’re

committed to handling disagreements in a mature manner. They’ll

be more likely to trust you with their concerns.

5. Focus on actions. Pay attention to what your partner says and

does. Think twice if they say they want to spend more time with

you, but they’re booked up every weekend. Examine why they avoid

providing details about their past or whereabouts.

6. Accept the risks. In the end, there’s only so much you can do to

determine the course of any relationship. If you’re too afraid to get

hurt, you’ll avoid relationships altogether. Assure yourself that you

can handle setbacks and use them to learn and grow.


Romantic relationships have the potential to fill our lives with joy

and purpose, but they also carry some risks. Take extra care of

yourself whenever you experience a profound loss. Learn from your

missteps and keep your eyes open to reduce the chances of it happening

again.


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